When you need to learn to say NO!

say-no

The urge to please

The urge to please others is in built in all of us. One of the fundamental human needs is to feel loved and feel like we belong, therefore it’s natural to want others to like you and to include you. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of saying yes to please others. This cycle is neither healthy nor conducive to happiness. It’s important, as part of the journey to find happiness and success, to learn to say no!

When someone asks something of you, do you instinctively feel the need to say YES for fear of disappointing that person or perhaps for fear of missing out on an opportunity? Do you sometimes do this, even when you know you have too much on your schedule already? Do you say yes, even when it doesn’t feel right?

Get your free printable: What to say when a client says you’re too expensive

 

It’s natural to enjoy the feeling of being needed and appreciated. Agreeing to everything can make you feel like you’re important. When you feel needed by others, powerful feel good chemicals are released in the brain. Oxytocin is the chemical responsible for trust and belonging and it has the strong effect of bonding us with others. It’s an important safety mechanism triggered in the part of our brain called the limbic brain which is responsible for telling us what is good and bad for us.

 

It's easy to get stuck in a cycle of saying yes to please others. Click To Tweet

 

Learn-to-say-no

Learn to say no

The problem is, when you say yes to everything, at the expense of prioritising your own needs, you are sabotaging yourself and your success. Learning to say NO is part of finding your own happiness. Learning to say NO is part of being successful.

Don’t get me wrong, saying YES to new opportunities is fantastic. Saying YES when it’s a direct benefit to you is extremely wise. In fact I’m a massive advocate of saying yes to as many new opportunities as you can. There are huge things to be gained in saying yes to things that are new and scary. You can open new doors and create new opportunities.

Learning to say NO is part of being successful. Click To Tweet

There is a time and a place for saying yes, and there are important times to know when to say no. There is nothing wrong with helping out friends and family. The key is to be able to identify when to say yes and when to say no. Saying no takes practice. It can be scary. You may have a FOMO moment (fear of missing out) or you might be worried about upsetting the person who’s asking . It is not your responsibility to make others feel good. It is your responsibility to look after yourself and your own needs first and foremost.

The key is to be able to identify when to say yes and when to say no. Click To Tweet

When you need to learn to say no:

  • you are being taken advantage of
  • there is no direct benefit to you
  • your schedule is already over committed
  • you need to keep your options open for other possible opportunities
  • you’re already short on ‘me time’
  • you’re over stressed or sick
  • someone else can do the task or take on the responsibility equally as well
  • you need to give yourself a break
  • you don’t actually have what the other person needs

 

Learn-to-say-no

 

If you are someone who is constantly saying YES to everyone and anything, next time stop and give it some thought first. A simple response such as “Can I get back to you on that?” will give you the time to assess whether you really want or need to take on another responsibility. If any of the above scenarios feel like they apply, try saying NO next time. I promise you someone else will pick up the slack, it won’t be as bad as you think it will and it will all be ok.

From Fear to Fruition

from-fear-to-fruition

Guest Post by Ashley Brown of Sosocii

Do one thing every day that scares you. -Eleanor Roosevelt

What is fear and how does it manifest within a business setting?

Fear is a response activated by a perceived peril; either involving a risk of imminent danger, a threat to security or an overwhelming concern for a future event. Within the business world, these threats are more likely to be psychological rather than physical. There’s no denying that fear can in fact be helpful in certain situations and indeed help us in times of danger. However, when it comes to business, how you react can determine your success.

Continue reading “From Fear to Fruition”

7 inspirational quotes to inspire you to success

Inspirational quotes

Which of these inspirational quotes is your favourite?

I have many favourite inspirational quotes that inspire me. In fact my Instagram account is packed with every quote under the sun. When I find myself in times of struggle, I call on some of my favourites to push me through. Here are 7 of my favourite quotes that have had a profound effect on my life. I hope they help you. Continue reading “7 inspirational quotes to inspire you to success”

The glass half full – can the pessimist become the optimist?

can the pessimist become the optimist?

Can the pessimist become an optimist?

The optimist and the pessimist. You’re either one or the other, aren’t you? The optimist is upbeat, always seeing the glass half full. The pessimist wallows in self-pity, moaning over their half empty glass. The optimist achieves excellence while the pessimist blames everyone and everything for their failures. Which are you? Continue reading “The glass half full – can the pessimist become the optimist?”

Personal development – 14 ways to invest in yourself

Personal development - 14 ways to invest in yourself

You are your greatest asset

Personal development is the key to bettering yourself. If you are a business owner, and especially if you are a solopreneur,  you are your business. Looking after yourself and working on yourself is so important. You are your greatest asset, so how are you investing in yourself and how are you striving to learn and be just a little bit better today than yesterday? Your willingness to invest in personal development will play a huge role in your future success.

In last week’s post, I talked about the importance of investing in your business if you want to create success. The same can be said for investing in yourself. If you want to create personal success, it is wise to invest in your personal development. Continue reading “Personal development – 14 ways to invest in yourself”

Hey overthinker – stop doing that!

overthinker

The overthinker

Are you a classic overthinker? You know… you have a simple decision to make, but you think it through for so long, you end up making no decision at all. You need to take action, but before you decide on the right steps to take, you run every scenario through your head. You tie yourself up in knots so tight that you can’t break free to move even one step forward. Continue reading “Hey overthinker – stop doing that!”

Why you self sabotage and how to overcome it

self sabotage hard road

Self sabotage is a very real struggle

Someone once asked me “Why do you always insist on taking the hard road.” I replied, “Why do you assume I see 2 roads?” As a coach and business consultant, I can easily relate to this mindset and I know self sabotage is a very real struggle for many people.

This probably speaks to you if you’re someone who finds it impossible to break out of bad habits or destructive behaviour. You know you’re doing things you shouldn’t but you can’t seem to make better choices.

Running your own business requires an extraordinary level of resilience. There is no room for self sabotage if you want to be successful in the long term. There are enough challenges running a business on a daily and weekly basis as it is. Creating more hurdles for yourself through self doubt and self sabotage is a short cut to disaster.

Continue reading “Why you self sabotage and how to overcome it”

Goal setting… it starts with planting the seed

goal setting planting the seed

Have you ever experienced the feeling of achieving a really massive goal?

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve helped someone achieve a goal, when they’d initially told me  “I can’t do that”, I could retire tomorrow. What a nice thought!

Sometimes it was a small goal, like completing one full push-up or jogging 400 metres around the block without stopping. Other times it was something huge, like running a marathon, writing a book or starting a brand new business. Continue reading “Goal setting… it starts with planting the seed”

Unless you’re coachable, little can be achieved

coachable

The student must be coachable

I’ve coached a lot of people in my lifetime. I’ve conducted in excess of 20,000 coaching sessions and probably given over one million pieces of feedback. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt as a coach, it’s that little can be achieved unless the student is coachable.

I’ve coached everyday people, sports people and business owners. I’ve coached coaches and leaders. Many have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. A few have achieved nothing at all. Continue reading “Unless you’re coachable, little can be achieved”