The urge to please
The urge to please others is in built in all of us. One of the fundamental human needs is to feel loved and feel like we belong, therefore it’s natural to want others to like you and to include you. It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of saying yes to please others. This cycle is neither healthy nor conducive to happiness. It’s important, as part of the journey to find happiness and success, to learn to say no!
When someone asks something of you, do you instinctively feel the need to say YES for fear of disappointing that person or perhaps for fear of missing out on an opportunity? Do you sometimes do this, even when you know you have too much on your schedule already? Do you say yes, even when it doesn’t feel right?
It’s natural to enjoy the feeling of being needed and appreciated. Agreeing to everything can make you feel like you’re important. When you feel needed by others, powerful feel good chemicals are released in the brain. Oxytocin is the chemical responsible for trust and belonging and it has the strong effect of bonding us with others. It’s an important safety mechanism triggered in the part of our brain called the limbic brain which is responsible for telling us what is good and bad for us.
Learn to say no
The problem is, when you say yes to everything, at the expense of prioritising your own needs, you are sabotaging yourself and your success. Learning to say NO is part of finding your own happiness. Learning to say NO is part of being successful.
Don’t get me wrong, saying YES to new opportunities is fantastic. Saying YES when it’s a direct benefit to you is extremely wise. In fact I’m a massive advocate of saying yes to as many new opportunities as you can. There are huge things to be gained in saying yes to things that are new and scary. You can open new doors and create new opportunities.
There is a time and a place for saying yes, and there are important times to know when to say no. There is nothing wrong with helping out friends and family. The key is to be able to identify when to say yes and when to say no. Saying no takes practice. It can be scary. You may have a FOMO moment (fear of missing out) or you might be worried about upsetting the person who’s asking . It is not your responsibility to make others feel good. It is your responsibility to look after yourself and your own needs first and foremost.
When you need to learn to say no:
- you are being taken advantage of
- there is no direct benefit to you
- your schedule is already over committed
- you need to keep your options open for other possible opportunities
- you’re already short on ‘me time’
- you’re over stressed or sick
- someone else can do the task or take on the responsibility equally as well
- you need to give yourself a break
- you don’t actually have what the other person needs
If you are someone who is constantly saying YES to everyone and anything, next time stop and give it some thought first. A simple response such as “Can I get back to you on that?” will give you the time to assess whether you really want or need to take on another responsibility. If any of the above scenarios feel like they apply, try saying NO next time. I promise you someone else will pick up the slack, it won’t be as bad as you think it will and it will all be ok.
Which of these inspirational quotes is your favourite?
I have many favourite inspirational quotes that inspire me. In fact my Instagram account is packed with every quote under the sun. When I find myself in times of struggle, I call on some of my favourites to push me through. Here are 7 of my favourite quotes that have had a profound effect on my life. I hope they help you. Continue reading “7 inspirational quotes to inspire you to success”
As an expert in business collaboration, I love talking to small business owners and entrepreneurs about collaboration. When I talk about this topic, I find people love the idea of working together rather than in competition. However, it’s not easy for some to come up with collaboration ideas for their business.
Here, I share with you three practical and simple collaboration ideas I have implemented in my own business. I encourage you to give these a try in your own business. Continue reading “3 simple collaboration ideas for business”
Can the pessimist become an optimist?
The optimist and the pessimist. You’re either one or the other, aren’t you? The optimist is upbeat, always seeing the glass half full. The pessimist wallows in self-pity, moaning over their half empty glass. The optimist achieves excellence while the pessimist blames everyone and everything for their failures. Which are you? Continue reading “The glass half full – can the pessimist become the optimist?”
Self sabotage is a very real struggle
Someone once asked me “Why do you always insist on taking the hard road.” I replied, “Why do you assume I see 2 roads?” As a coach and business consultant, I can easily relate to this mindset and I know self sabotage is a very real struggle for many people.
This probably speaks to you if you’re someone who finds it impossible to break out of bad habits or destructive behaviour. You know you’re doing things you shouldn’t but you can’t seem to make better choices.
Running your own business requires an extraordinary level of resilience. There is no room for self sabotage if you want to be successful in the long term. There are enough challenges running a business on a daily and weekly basis as it is. Creating more hurdles for yourself through self doubt and self sabotage is a short cut to disaster.
Continue reading “Why you self sabotage and how to overcome it”
Do you ever have days where happiness eludes you and you just think “what’s the point?”
You’ve been there. I know you have. Me too. Why is happiness and fulfillment so hard….?
Group hug anyone?
What if you could uncover the secret to happiness and fulfilment? You can! Continue reading “Happiness is in your Why”
Have you ever experienced the feeling of achieving a really massive goal?
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve helped someone achieve a goal, when they’d initially told me “I can’t do that”, I could retire tomorrow. What a nice thought!
Sometimes it was a small goal, like completing one full push-up or jogging 400 metres around the block without stopping. Other times it was something huge, like running a marathon, writing a book or starting a brand new business. Continue reading “Goal setting… it starts with planting the seed”
How to build a great team.
One of your greatest assets as a small business owner is building a great team to support you and help you grow your business. So how do you find the right people to build a ‘dream team’? Here are 9 ways to build a great team: Continue reading “9 ways to build a great team”
Is there such thing as a productive procrastinator?
Hands up if you are a terrible procrastinator. Yep, me too! However somehow I am also incredibly productive so it got me thinking. Is there such thing as a productive procrastinator? I think the answer might be yes.
How is it possible that you could be very productive and a terrible procrastinator at the same time? I think it comes down to working to your strengths. And in my experience, that seems to be the key to productivity. Continue reading “The Productive Procrastinator”